Naruto's Effect On Mass
by IEvolution2330I
Summary: Naruto's lived for over 3000 years and now the galaxy needs him and his awesomeness. Join him on his mission with the newly resurrected Commander Joana Shepard as they kick some collective ass across the Galaxy and back. Oh and can't forget those big squids called the Reapers, who knew that being a Jinchuriki could be such a problem. "Commander Shepard is smoking hot" Rated M.
1. Prologue: Problems Of Being A Jinchuiki

**Naruto's Effect On Mass**

_Hello, this may or may not concern ya, but me Naruto likes explosives will be taking a break, it's... difficult to write I suppose, anyway I decided to do a NarutoXMass Effect story, let's see if it's any good._

**Prologue: Problems Of Being A Jinchuriki**

"_Hmmm, let me think, it's been over three-thousand since I defeated Madara, the year is now 2185 CE I believe and a lot of shit has happened, let me tell ya"._

I have been alive for a long, long time, because of many reasons, first reason, I don't like the idea of dying of old age, if I'm gonna' die, I'm gonna die in a fight, protecting someone precious to me second reason it because Kyubii's a bit of a asshole and I'm living of his chakra, which he has a couple thousand cubic fuck-loads of it... so that's fun.

Oh silly me I haven't even introduced myself, how rude of me, well my name is Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze, long name I know, it's also apparently the only Japanese name in existence so that leads to many fun explanations about my Name and origin.

I mean it would if anyone had been able to find me, nether mind catch me, you see ever since the Geth wars where a single fleet of Geth were destroyed by one dashingly good-looking man in 1920 CE, which I had nothing to do with by the way. A group of radical assfaces named Hades has been after my ass and since it's been over 300 years since the Geth wars you'd think I would be able to lose them, bah when has anything like that been easy for me, instead of giving up, and new chairman's after new chairman's later a man named the Illusive man has taken over the group and changed its name to Cerberus which translates to "Bunch o' wankers looking for trouble" they redoubled their search for me and because I simply can-not be assed running anymore I just let them catch me, mind you not without fucking with them a for a while.

It was so funny when I managed to trick a bunch of Cerberus asshats onto Tuchunka and watch them try to "purge" the Krogans as they put it... safe to say the Cerberus people were demolished like Thresher Maw prey.

So here I am, locked in a cell which I could break out of in no time, anyway I'm guessing you want to know why these peeps are after me eh?

Well I'm just going to say one thing which should answer that question.

It's one of the problems of being a Jinchuriki.

Now you're most likely wondering why I would let them catch me if apparently I could escape without a problem. Well you see a woman named Joana Sheppard was killed a year ago because of some insect people and that's all I know about her death, but you see The Illusive Man who I will now only refer to as "TIM" didn't want the first "human Spectre" to kick the bucket so early.

So TIM, being TIM defied the laws of nature on started to rebuild Joana Sheppard from scratch, making sure everything was the same as it was before. Anyway it has been a full year since he started rebuilding Sheppard and to tell you the truth, from what I've seen Cerberus might be able to do just that and that is rather freaky.

What Cerberus has been trying to do with me you ask? Well nothing much, they asked me some easy to lie questions, tried to get a blood sample but I just covered my skin with chakra and viola, no blood for you. Surprisingly there were two people in the Cerberus base which weren't complete asshats and those two were Jacob Taylor and Miranda Lawson.

Jacob was a African American, if any of those two countries still existed I don't know, however he was a ex-alliance who just wanted to be able to do something without having to worry about the red tape surrounding Alliance regulations, so I could respect him and his choices, even if they weren't the best.

Miranda was a whole different cookie, you see she was a Cerberus loyalist, however it was for all the wrong reasons, and she was saved by Cerberus from her corrupt bastard of a father who genetically modified her to be perfect, perfect enough to realise that her father was a dick and that she needed to escape.

Now how I know about these two people is really simple, I'm practically the Shadow Broker's second-in-command, strange creature that Broker is, however he seems to trust me enough to tell me anything I want to know. So that's lots of Shadow Brokery fun.

Anyway I suppose it's time to explain what the hell happened during my time in living and also to tell you how I look from over 3000 years of aging.

**THIS IS A LINE IN SPACE**

I had just gotten to Madara and had beaten him in a epic battle of all proportions, one of which I will not be describing, so that's even more fun.

Anyway after I beat Madara, I went into hiding apparently I had done something really stupid and bad and had pissed off every ninja nation except for Konoha and because I didn't want any more bad blood between the villages I left and had been hiding ever since.

Now that may seem like a rather shitty explanation but I've got some words for ye, why do you care, that all happened over 3000 years ago. Fucking move on and all that jazz.

Anyway I bet you all thinking I'm a wrinkly old git who sits on his porch and smokes a pipe, well I'm not for two reasons, reason one it seems that Kyubii's or Karuma's natural chakra energy had given me the look of my dad, just with even more spiky hair which I will not be cutting anytime soon, second reason: I have no porch to speak off.

My clothes? Well my clothes haven't changed, no I don't wear that crappy armour people wear, too uncomfortable, not loose enough and not moveable in.

I mean some people like the idea of being a walking tank but I prefer a more direct speedy route I.E: speeding across a battlefield and kick ass quicker then anyone's eye can see.

Anyway I wear a white duster which reaches my ankles when I stand up, a dark orange undershirt with futuristic designs patterning it, my pants are just some lose black jeans, I believe that's what they call them anyhow. Some good ol' fashioned running shoes which I stole from a museum and surprisingly they are in really mint condition.

My Konoha head band is now located wrapped around my hand in a sort of crude knuckle-duster.

What else is there about my looks... oh yea, whisker marks are still there, only slightly less prominent.

I still know all of my abilities, however I just don't use them because I don't need to use them, all I use is my awesome Hirashin-No-Justu I learned from my deceased dad and my awesome brawling skills, everything else is not needed because I just don't need them.

I'm not being arrogant, I'm being logical, I simply don't need some of techniques anymore, that doesn't mean I've forgotten them however because I haven't, I just don't need them.

Oh by the way, I mentioned the Hirashin-No-Justu right? Well ya see I don't need the special kunai anymore; I've learnt to utilise it in a more productive way which I will show some other time.

Have I taken an interest In Joana Sheppard? Well I'd hate to say it but I have, she's just beautiful in every way, but alas I cannot tell her or be with her even if I tried to, I would outlive her by millions of years and I can't go through that, sigh; life isn't fair sometimes ya know?

However that fact doesn't mean I can't help her when she's brought back to life because it doesn't, when she's revived I'm busting out and coming with her.

So here's to awesome adventures.

Hmmm, I wonder how long it will take for Cerberus to revive Sheppard I'm getting kinda' bored here.

**THIS IS A LINE IN SPACE**

It's been another year if the crappy calendar on my cell wall tells me anything and things seem to be progressing well with Sheppard, they almost have back alive apparently.

How do I know this, two words; Shadow Broker that guy has spies in Cerberus, damn he is reliable as FUCK.

Anyway, he sent me an update about my exciting life outside this cell and according to his information, those insect people have been abducting whole colonies' and that's not so fun.

Hmmm, it seems I'm going to have my hands full when I get out of here with Sheppard.

Reapers I hear you ask? Fuck 'em, if they prove that they can be dangerous I'll start to care, until then, I ain't fussed at all.

Oh I 100% believe they exist and I've heard about the dangers of them... I just don't care, there's not been something that could threaten me since I beat Madara and I'll be damned if a bunch of fucking huge squids are going to make me croak.

So all that's left to talk about it...

Wait is that an alarm I'm hearing, oh fun times are about to be had. I stand up in my cell, picking up my white duster off my cot and pulling it upon my shoulders, allowing it to reach my ankles before I tighten my bandanna across my blonde hair to hide it, I raise my right foot and pump it full of chakra before I put the boot towards the super strong glass holding me in the cell.

Crash!

Well the used to be super-strong glass sounds much better.

So my objective find Shepp's and getta' tha' fucka' outta' here... shit my accent is coming back to bite me in the ass.

Scratch that lets just go, I saunter down a corridor towards where I assume the shuttle pod is, if it's not then I'm pretty much stuck here.

Completely ignoring the locked door ring around the door I lift my left hand and pump up a Ransengan in the palm.

Standing right in front of the door I shove the chakra ball into the metal surface and watch as my chakra ball rips through the metal like paper.

Ah! Chakra 1, doors 0, suck it Cerberus you're locked doors are nothing compared to me and my awesomeness. Almost J-walking though the destroyed door I find Miss. Lawson ripping a mech a new one with biotics.

Hmmm, Broker didn't tell me she was a biotic, meh, I suppose even the Shadow Broker doesn't know everything.

Anyway, Miranda seems to be handling the mech easily, so easily I'm fact that I feel slightly sorry for the buggar. Suddenly I hear a rocket zooming for me so I lazily duck underneath it and spin around on my heel to see a big ass mech.

Ah! A YMIR mech, what a surprise and it seems to be targeting me again so that's even more fun, time to kick ass and chew a senbon needle.

The mech once again fires it rocket at me and I grin, running towards the YMIR I skid under the rocket like a badass I might add and leap towards the mechs head and bring my fist forward into a brutal punch.

My hit lands and stagger the mech, not wasting a second I bring my left leg up and smash my knee into its visor, breaking it and most likely damaging it's central processor because I start hearing a fizzing noise, so I push off the huge mech using both of my hands and land a few metres away in a crouch.

The YMIR clicks and clanks, its head goes fizz and fuzz and before long the big dude blows up, and the force from the explosion billows my duster.

God, I'm so awesome it ain't even fair sometimes.

As I think on how awesome I am I don't hear the priming of a pistol until I feel it's barrel against my head.

Sighing I stand up and turn around to see Miranda herself in all her glory looking at me in shock and curiosity. Don't worry love I'd be shocked too.

"All right my dear, how's dinner coming along" I ask, hoping to ease the tension with a joke, somehow it actually works and Miranda lowers her weapon at me and holsters it.

"Hmm, Mr. Namikaze is it?" Miranda asks, I nod as my answer and she smirks slightly.

"It seems that the cell was pretty useless in keeping you locked in I presume" Oh we've got a smart-ass here, didn't think miss ice-cold had a funny bone in her body, might as well play along.

"It seems so Miss. Lawson, a pleasure to meet the person who captured me after all these years" I reply good-naturedly, a grin plastered onto my face. Miranda nods in acceptance and we leave that conversation for later and now I realise I still had a few questions.

"Miss. Lawson, if I may be so bold, where am I, and what's happened oh and before I forget, how do we get of this station?" bah, asking questions can be so dull sometimes.

Miranda gestures to a door at the end of the room and we walk there as she says "Your aboard a research station working on reviving Sheppard in something we call the Lazarus project, one of the crew has become a traitor and had programmed the mechs to kill everyone on site. And as for escape, it's just through this door then up a ramp".

Give me a second I have to lift my jaw of the floor in shock, why the fuck did she just explain everything, "Not that I appreciate honesty and all that lovely stuff but why are you telling me everything?"

Apparently Miranda expected this question and smirks slightly... bitch.

"My employer, The Illusive Man told everyone in Cerberus two rules about you" a pause for dramatic effect I'm sure "Rule one is that you are extremely powerful and can tell when someone is lying" huh, good guess TIM my boy "Rule 2 is that my boss needs your help, so bad-blood is a bad idea".

Well I certainly wasn't expecting that now was I?

"So where can I talk to this illusive man?" I ask in simple curiosity.

"When we escape this station with Sheppard and head to another Cerberus base".

"Good, good, anything else I'm supposed to know?"

"Yes actually, my boss also said that you have powerful friends and that any problems you have with Cerberus just tell him, he doesn't want any problems between you two"

Holy fuck on a kunai, so TIM isn't completely stupid as I first thought, hmmm, I suppose there's no harm in hearing him out, who knows it might be good.

I nod my head and open the door leading to the ramp towards the shuttle.

We wait at the entrance to the ramp for the Shepard and all that.

We don't wait long and then the door opens revealing three people, two men, one woman. Wait scratch that one man, one woman... Miranda just shot the white bald one.

Damn, forgive and forget doesn't count here it seems, bah I'm sure that guy was a dick anyway, now to look at Jacob, and who I presume to be Shepard.

I hear a gasp as Jacob looks at me and I decide now would be good to put effort into hearing what was happening around me.

"It's you, ho... how did you get out?" Jacob asks while pointing his finger at me, Shepard, who looks smoking hot I might add, just looks confused at me.

However it seems Miranda saves my ass "Mr. Namikaze escaped the cell without problem and helped me here after I explained why we captured him".

Yea probably not best explanation you could have given but decent enough it seems.

I feel it's time I opened my mouth "yea, I heard what good ol' TIM wanted and I decided to forgive and forget, so it's good to make ya acquaintance Mr. Taylor, I would say hello to that guy on the floor, but it seems he suddenly got a killer headache" I hear Miranda groan and Jacob sigh, surprisingly Shepard giggled slightly, her ginger hair swaying slightly.

Yes, not all my jokes are crap it seems.

Lastly I look towards the commander and speak "hello Commander Shepard, the names Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze, all-round awesome one man army, tis a pleasure to meet you" I finish speaking by giving a polite bow surprising Shepard, but she ends up smiling slightly.

"It's good to meet you two Na-Naru-damn, it's good to meet you Mr. Uzumaki" Shepard sputters slightly at her tongue-twist and I couldn't resist the little chuckle which escapes my mouth.

"It's Naruto, but I can understand the slight difficulty saying my name" I reassure Shepard who nods at me and extends her arm, I grab her hand in a shake and then let go because apparently the mechs arrived.

Damn-it, I duck behind some cover as the LOKI-mechs open fire upon us, luckily everyone hid in time.

I smirk "guys, let me handle this" grudgingly they let me and I stand up thickening my body with chakra, time to show how my Hirashin works.

I throw my hand forward and some red energy sprouts from me at the speed of light it hits the wall behind the mechs.

I feel the pull of the Hirashin seal I just place and I let it take me behind the mechs where I then start to deliver a can of whoop ass upon them.

Rushing the closet mech before it can realise I just teleported I send a kick into its sternum and watch as my foot goes through the machine, disabling it, looking towards another LOKI about to take a shot at me I swing the leg with the mech on and launch the broken machine into its brethren causing the disabled bot to explode taking it's friend with it.

Two more LOKI mechs left, I jump towards them both, crossing the distance in a second and use a snap-kick on the closer of the two, kicking it's head clean off, causing that one to shut down.

I land on my feet and look towards the last mech and I can almost see the wires in its brain telling it to get the hell out of dodge. Not happening, chakra goes through my legs and I sprint towards it, I reach it before a second passes and grab the mech and rip it in half.

Grinning, damn I had not had a fight in years, granted these mechs were weak as shit, but still it was fun while it lasted. In my ranting mind I don't see a lone damaged mech raise its gun towards me and beginning to pull its trigger, it would have succeeded if Shepard didn't pull a headshot on it causing it to blow.

I turn towards the three shooters and grin as Shepard and the Cerberus operatives look absolutely shocked beyond belief before Shepard regains her composure and smirks and turns her head towards Miranda.

"I want him on my team yesterday" she says smugly.

I smile in happiness, yes I just got my ticket with Shep on her mission.

Today just became awesome.

**CUT, the End, Le Fin, you get the idea**

**Prologue, is pretty good I think I hope you like the story, all forms of reviews are appreciated, be it praise or criticism.**

**IEvolution2330I Signing out.**

**CYA **


	2. Chapter 1: The Illusive What?

**Naruto's Effect On Mass**

**Chapter 1: The Illusive What?**

"I'm speaking"- Speech  
**"Demon's speaking, justu names"  
**_"I'm thinking"- thinking  
__**"I'm a thinking demon, I'm thinking my justu, also used for hologram/radio talking"- Demon thoughts and justu's being thought of.  
**_Flashbacks will be done in normal writing.

So we just got off Lazarus station by shuttle and now we are just sitting in the shuttle waiting to reach another Cerberus station so we can talk to TIM... ah fun times?

It sure is quiet, it's like everyone has forgotten how to talk hmmm, let's do something about that "so... anyone wanna' play eye-spy"? I ask with a stupid grin obviously plastered upon my face.

It seems to work for Jacob and Shepard, because they both smiled slightly, Miranda? I don't know, can she even smile?

Anyway it does seem that I have got the ball rolling because now Miranda is asking Shepard some questions, let's listen in shall we?

"Shepard, now that we have escaped the facility, I would like to ask you some questions to assure you're the same way as before" straight to work eh ice-cold? Couldn't blame ya, I hear TIM's an ass.

Although it seems Jacob doesn't agree with Miranda wholeheartedly "C'mon Miranda, is now really the time?" how wonderful, it seems Jacob is standing up for himself, ah I'm so proud of him.

Hmmm, Miranda should be replying soon "Jacob" there it is "we were supposed to spend weeks doing mental tests to see if Shepard was ready, a couple of questions on this shuttle will have to do" weeks asking questions? Damn that would have been boring... thank god for traitors in Cerberus.

"Ask away" Jona Shepard says. This should be good, I feel a slight smirk creep its way upon my face, I think Jacob notices it though, don't care though.

Jacob activates his omni-tool, and brings up a page about Shepard and asks "it says here that you were there on Akzue where a group on 50 Alliance marines were attacked by Thresher Maws all but you were killed that day" holy shit Jacob, why don't you just say your fucking bad luck Shepard and be done with it, I send Jacob my best shut the fuck up face I could, I think he gets the message because he starts sweating slightly.

Damn, what dumbass thinks that's a reasonable thing to remind someone of, Shepard must be remembering the tragedy, she must still be mourning "I remember, it was tough and I have mourned for each of those fallen brethren, they were brave people who gave away their lives for nothing" Shepard replies.

Damn this is getting really depressing; let's hope Miranda's question is slightly less depressing.

Jacob seems like he wants this interview to be over very soon and tries to convince Miranda by saying "there you see Miranda, everything's right with Shepard".

"Hmm, maybe, let's try something more recent" Miranda then opens up her omni-tool and brings up yet another page about Shepard "shepard, on Virmire..." fucking hell Miranda, cheerful much, almost everyone who cares knows about Virmire, what happened there isn't really something that needs to be discussed, "... you were sent to destroy Saren's cloning facility, when you got there you split up your team and sent Gunnery chief Ashley Williams with a STG team to distract the geth while you and the rest of your team went to plant the bomb, you left FT. Lieutenant Kaiden Alenko to arm the bomb. When the bomb was set you only had a few minutes to save one of those two, you chose to save Kaiden Alenko and let Williams and the STG team to die".

My jaws on the floor, hang on let me check, yep it's on the floor, the way Miranda said that was actually brutal and damn I've seen brutal and that was it.

"Not a day goes by where I don't think if I could have saved them both, it's my fault Williams is dead-

"No it's not Shepard" I speak slowly "you had to make sure the bomb would actually explode, you had to protect the galaxy and if a few die for the needs of the many then you can't blame yourself, I'm sure Gunnery chief. Williams wouldn't want for you to blame yourself" wow I haven't said something like that in almost 3000 years and damn did that feel good and if the smile from the commander says anything she really appreciated the reassurance as well.

Like all moments they must be ended by a moron who has no sense, no surprise it's Miranda that says "well then, it seems your memory is good, but we really shou-

"C'mon Miranda you can see the commander is as she was before, and I can vouch for Shepards combat skills for myself" surprisingly Jacob manages to convince Miranda that Shepard was fine and reluctantly agrees to stop the questions for Shepard because as soon as those questions were finished they moved their heads to me.

Yea, good fucking luck in trying to get me to tell the truth I've looked a giant demon fox in the eye and laughed, if you think Miranda's "I'm perfect tell me everything" stare is going to work on me you've got another fucking thing coming.

"So Mr. Namikaze-

"Naruto"

"What" Jacob asks in confusion".

"My name it's Naruto not Mr. Namikaze, I must ask you to call me Naruto" I speak simply, trying to get across the point that I'm not 70 or 7000 (years for me) old.

"Oh, okay Naruto" says Jacob, testing the name out on his tongue... weirdo.

"Well Naruto" now Miranda speaks if you couldn't guess "me and Jacob would like to ask you a few questions, just for reference, nothing personal I assure you".

"Sure ask away, doesn't mean I'll answer" I love sounding badass, and that so totally sounded badass, ah the simple things in life.

"Well Naruto, Cerberus has been after you for ages, now suddenly we catch you, what changed?" Jacob asked, he's a smart little deviant ain't he.

"Well, Jacob my man, I simply grew bored of running, that and my ship ran out of fuel but that's not important" I hear Shepard snort, not very lady-like is it.

"Okay, I suppose that explains that, however I'm sure we are all wondering what you did back on the station, what was that" Miranda asks, slightly perturbed.

Ah, I was wondering when this question would come up, I look out of the window, apparently in thought if you didn't know me, I was actually just judging the distance from the other base, to see if there was enough time to tell them.

After a couple of seconds I dubbed the distance was good enough I turned around and said "well, you see I'm an experiment" I hear three gasps at my lie and inwardly smirk "I escaped a few years back and when I escaped I had a few upgrades... that answer your question".

Miranda nodded in acceptance, yes, and my bullshit skill still up to par with my charm skill.

I smile at my unusual companions and ask "so, now that, that's out of the way, any more questions for yours truly"? Shepard smirks as she raises her hand and I chuckle slightly, seems shep has a knack for comedy, well us two should get along well.

I adopt a strict posture and turn my head to the side where Shepard sat with her hand still raised and I speak in a posh bigoted way "yes, you miss. Shepard, what seems to be your question" Shepard smiles in response as if she realised that Naruto had a knack for comedy as well.

Anyway, from my perspective, Shepard seems to have played along with the act by asking "Mr. Uzumaki, have you decided upon if you are going to join my squad?"

I adopt a thinking pose as if I was deciding when I have already decided my answer before we left the station.

"Of course I'll join the squad, ask me to jump and I'll say how high, ask me to kiss a Turian however, and I throw myself out the airlock" I love saying stupid things like that, it keeps my day going.

Shepard accepts this by laughing, soon joined by Jacob.

Miranda did her weird twitchy eye-thing, I'm going to go ahead and say that's her variation of a smile... no really I am.

The rest of the trip to the other station was spent for me anyway just looking out the window into the deep blackness of space.

The other three I hear you ask, well something about explaining the situation to Shepard about colonies disappearing, all human, of course I already knew about this from the shadow-broker, ah, the benefits of being awesome are sure... well awesome.

**THIS IS A LINE IN SPACE**

Anyway, about five to ten minutes later, we arrived at the other Cerberus station, and now I'm waiting for my turn with TIM in the meeting room, Shepard went in first to discuss important subjects, and believe me when I say there are quite a few.

While I wait I asked one of the Cerberus staff where my possessions were considering the Shadow-Broker told me my possessions were not on the Lazarus station I only assumed they were relocated to another station and what are the odds they were relocated onto this station, ah lovely coincidence It seems your still looking out for me.

Damn-it I'm mind rambling again, as I find a private room in the station and with the bag containing all of my equipment, I drop it on the floor.

What possessions? Well no guns if you were wondering, just some tools from way back when I was a ninja of Konoha, god how long ago was that? What like over 3000 years ago, Jesus, you'd think I'd be killed during that time but no such luck, and everyone I ever cared for is dead... damn, now I've made myself depressed.

Bah, the past is the past, time to pay attention to the present chief.

Anyway, where was I? Hmmm, something about ramen? No, no, no that's silly, I only dream of ramen, and what could it be?

I snap my fingers in success when I remember I'm actually checking over my equipment "right let's get a look at my stuff" I rummage through the sack with my stuff in and pull out a thing? What the fuck is this? Said object which required swearing was a necklace with a blue coloured diamond hanging from it and down the Diamond it says "_Good job Gaki" _my eyes start to water as I recall what this necklace was.

I close my eyes to stop the tears, after a while I re-open my eyes to still see the necklace, the necklace given to me by the fifth Hokage of Konoha, Tsunade Oba-chan, she gave me this when I won a bet involving a rasengan and some snake-guy, I forget his name that, Orochi- Orochima... captain. Crotchular, and his apprentice Bestiality Man.

If you don't know who that last guy is, one word; Kabuto... "Who I'm I saying that too"? I look around in confusion until I shrug my shoulders, continuing my rummage.

After a few minutes I hear a knock and I look towards the metal door which slid open, revealing... A pause for suspense; Shepard.

Shepard looks at me in slight worry and speaks " .Man wants to speak with you" I nod in acceptance and say "yea, I'll be right there, do ya mind if I ask what he wanted"?

Shepard shakes her head replying "not, now maybe later... too many prying eyes, you know"?

Ah, the polite way of saying, shut the fuck up for now, one of my favourites.

Anyway, I stand up and pronounce loudly "I'm off to see MAN, the wonderful MAN of Cerberus" skipping almost gleefully out the door and back where the supposed meeting point is, I pick up the sound of Shepard face-palming. Yes, I still got it.

**THIS IS A LINE IN SPACE**

I arrive at the door, shielding the meeting point from view. After a deep breath I open the sliding metal door and walk down some stairs.

No one in sight, I sigh in annoyance, of-course TIM isn't actually here, I smack my head with my right palm and mutter "stupid, stupid, any dumb-'roid-monkey would realise this".

After I finish belittling myself I scan the room more closely and notice some sort of circle on the floor, about 5 feet wide, walking up to the circle my mind is filled with multiple thoughts.

"_Should I stand in the middle of the foreboding circle, what's for lunch? How many woods could a wood-chuck chuck? I wonder if Mary ever had a little la-whoa, whoa getting a bit of track here, now what was my first thought?"_

"Ah that's right, should I stand in the foreboding cir" I hear an electronic sound and look down onto the floor, I just stare as the weird lines cross my face until I realise what had happened.

"A little piece of me just died with that retarded move"

Suddenly a very suave bastard simply appears, smoking a Cuban cigar, he looks towards me and frowns slightly.

"_**Mr. Uzumaki, Namikaze... A pleasure to meet you"**_

**CHAPTER; FUCKIN' FINISHED... yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!**

**ANYWAY, HERE IT IS, i HOPE YOU ENJOY READING... DON'T WORRY THIS CHAPTER MAY SEEMS SLIGHTLY, IT'S THE FACT I WANT A WHOLE CHAPTER FOR FREEDOM'S PROGRESS.**


	3. Chapter 2: Compensated Hugely

**Naruto's Effect On Mass  
****Chapter 2: Compensated Hugely into credits**

"I'm speaking"- Speech  
**"Demon's speaking, justu names"  
**_"I'm thinking"- thinking  
__**"I'm a thinking demon, I'm thinking my justu, also used for hologram/radio talking"- Demon thoughts and justu's being thought of.  
**_Flashbacks will be done in normal writing.  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, hell even the clothes I wear are "borrowed" .

**THIS IS A LINE... IN SPACE**

_Previously on "Naruto's Effect on Mass":  
__"A little piece of me just died with that retarded move"_

_Suddenly a very suave bastard simply appears, smoking a Cuban cigar, he looks towards me and frowns slightly._

"_**Mr. Uzumaki, Namikaze... A pleasure to meet you"**_

**THE EPIC STORY CONTINUES **

I stared for a while, half annoyed at me and half just wanting to creep out T.I.M, I think it worked because T.I.M squirmed slightly. Yea you better feel uncomfortable you little bitch.

"_**Mr. Namikaze, please, it's always common curtsey to address a person who is addressing you, is it not?" **_damn, even his holographic voice sounds smooth... bastard. Although I suppose it's time to stop creeping T.I.M out and get straight down to business.

"Mr. TIM, such a pleasure to make your acquaintance. May I ask what lovely accommodation you have in this space facility, I mean there aren't any killer robots about so it makes the last station we were on look like even more crap than it was" there, nice clean introduction if I ever said one.

It seemed TIM didn't appreciate the jab at his other facility... what a surprise.

"_**I would appreciate if you didn't bring that up. Anyway you must be wondering what I brought you here for, am I correct?" **_TIM stated in his arrogant voice. However what I was wondering is what type of ramen I would be able to acquire on this facility but I suppose this matter is rather pressing.

"You would be correct in assuming that" I said quickly to speed up this conversation, I wanted ramen.

"_**That's good. So the reason you're here is because I would like to make a request from you, would you be willing to hear me out Mr. Namikaze?" **_I nodded just wanting to get out of here.

"_**Well you see, me and Shepard have an understanding going on right now to investigate the missing colonies and I would like you to accompany her in this investigation" **_these words came from TIM's mouth in a orderly and calm manner, almost as if he had rehearsed this multiple times.

Well considering the fact that I've agreed to assist Shepard in the first place means that TIM doesn't know of it... Hehe, time for some well spoke conning.

"If I accept this request, what is in it for me?" I asked of TIM who now wore a small smile.

"_**You will be compensated hugely for your assisted"**_

"What's compensated hugely translated in credits"?

"_**Ten billion credits"**_

Once again my jaw returned to its best friend; the floor, I actually think the floor was sick of my jaw by now.

"_**Do we have an arrangement?"**_

I couldn't nod quicker; I mean TEN BILLION fucking credits, that's enough to buy a fuckin' planet, and all the ramen in the universe.

"_**Very well, I am glad we could come to this deal, now I will now brief you on your first mission with Sheppard".**_

And so he did and I'm sure the information he had given was important, however I wouldn't know because I wasn't listening... I'll just ask Shepard I suppose. I was about to turn and head out when TIM called my name once more.

"_**During this mission, I would like you to hold back from direct conflict, from what Miranda told me you are already well versed in combat, however with Shepard whose recently been brought back from the dead, we are not certain if any difficulties might arise, so I am requesting that you go as stealth and recon"**_

I nodded in understanding; even though I hated TIM he made a very valid point.

I exited the hologram room without any more words to come face to face with Shepard. A Shepard who looked slightly miffed.

"Uh... can I help you Shepard?"

"You took your sweet time, we were all waiting for you, c'mon let's going"

"Oh I'm sorry mistress, next time I'm conning TIM I'll speed up the process" my sarcastic reply was.

Shepard sighed as she gestured to me to follow her, which I did, like the obedient little sheep I am, HA, you get it? Her name is Shepard and I just made a joke that I'm her sheep.

"**Oh my Christ! Moron, could you be any stupider?" **asked a deep booming voice from inside my head... I'm not crazy, don't judge.

"_Ah! Karuma, where have you been, I've been having so much fun lately and you've missed all of it" _I haven't introduced you to Kurama yet have I? This is that nine-tailed demon I was referring to back in the cell on that Cerberus facility.

"**Moron, who are you talking to?" **Kurama asked slightly worried for his vessel.

"_Oh, no one my dear friend, now tell me, are you up to speed on our situation?" _ I thought asked?

"**Errr... yea I'm up to speed, now tell me; what are we going to do?" **

"_What do you think we're gonna' do? We're going to help Shepard kick some serious ass" _I grinned happily at that thought as I continued to follow Shepard to the shuttle which was going to take us to Freedom's Progress.

**THIS IS A LINE... IN SPACE**

So now, I am sat in a claustrophobic shuttle with three other people, two of questionable origins, one who recently came back from the dead and one who has lived over thousands of years.

I'll let you guess which one was me, on a side note I can see why we're not all getting along like a house on fire.

Right now Shepard was milking all the information she could garner from the two Cerberus officers about these disappearances and what could be the cause of them. I of course already knew the answer thanks to the shadow-broker and I could inform my teammates... but where would the fun be in that?

Speaking of garnering information, I needed to inform Shepard of something.

"Shepard, I will be running stealth and recon for this mission, if that's okay"

"Very well Naruto, I don't know much about your skills and wish to see you at your best in the field" the commander replied evenly.

"Well, be ready to be sorely disappointed" I said smugly as Shepard and the rest looked at me, confusion upon each of their faces.

"Why?" Shepard asked curiously.

The shuttle bumped as we landed and the two sliding doors opened and my face split into a huge grin "because... you won't be able to see me" and with that I fazed out of existence.

**THIS IS A LINE... ON PROGRESS**

I snickered from my hiding place, on top of the building Shepard and co went through. The looks on all of their faces were priceless, although I did gulp when Shepard's baffled look became one of a predatory gaze.

I don't actually know if that's a bad or good thing at the moment.

So, as I sneaked about and around the enemies I watched sternly as Shepard and co took down sentry turrets and LOKI's.

Shepard had just wandered into a building which I was gazing through the window of inside were some Quarians with guns.

Before I could Hirashin my ass into the room, one Quarian pushed her way to the front to greet the commander, I also managed to catch the word Tail being mouthed from Shepard, and I guess that had to be Tail'Zorah nar Rayya, a member of Shepard's original team.

So some important stuff was spoken about, alas I couldn't hear any of it because A; I was behind a window and B; I hadn't been given a fucking radio.

Bah! Whatever, I'm sure I can catch up with what was said later because now Tali and her team had left the room, through the north exit. While Shepard took the east exit outside.

Shaking my head, I continued forward, across the roof-tops, occasionally devastating a turret or LOKI mech with my awesomeness.

I had now reached a big wall with a gate which I couldn't open, because I had already jumped over the wall in annoyance.

"_God! When were some tough fights gonna' come my way, I'm getting really bored just beating cannon fodder"._

As soon as the thought entered my mind screams were heard as a Quarian was sent flying past me into a wall, causing a sickening crack.

From the corner from which the Quarian flew emerged a FENRIS, I grinned and was about to throw myself at it, however something unexpected happened; another fucking FENRIS waddled out of the same corner behind its brethren.

Only one word could escape my mouth once I saw the two giant MECHS.

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck" I moaned, ducking underneath a rocket sent my way.

I quickly flipped over some machine gun fire to land behind some metal crates which were stood up-right.

I sighed, quickly peeking out of cover to see where the FENRISES were, the hail of gunfire that came too close to my face made me change my mind.

"Argh! Fuck, where's Shepard when you need her" I groaned still standing in cover.

Suddenly the doors opened and in ran Shepard, followed by Cerberus A and B, each of them taking cover in separate locations except for Shepard, she joined my cover.

"Hello and welcome to my fine establishment, as you can see this box has very good living quarters, about 30 inches of solid steel and a lovely sound of gun-fire" I get sarcastic when shot at sue me.

Shepard shook her head, her shoulder-length red hair swaying slightly as her attractive, slightly freckled face frowned, however soon that frown became a grin as Shepard said "you called?"

Smug git.

"Why don't you just use that cool teleporting thing and be done with this?" asked Shepard confusedly.

"Oh yea that sounds great, I'll just exposed my UNARMOURED body and expect to teleport because I love bullet holes in my forehead" I may have been a bit rude but I couldn't really care.

"So what then?" Shepard huffed.

I looked at each of the team members and grinned.

Shouting I spoke "guys create a distraction, I've got this" and then I started to gather energy.

Bullets flew back and forth as Shepard used her biotic abilities? Huh, must be something she was upgraded with.

I grinned as my fingers adopted a very nostalgic position.

I opened my mouth _**"Kage bunshin no jutsu" **_and a cloud of smoke appeared around me.

I heard three simultaneous gasps as the smoke cleared revealing 10 of me and before anyone could think, the 10 of me sprinted towards the two FENRIS MECHS.

Safe to say... the mechs got an ass-whooping.

I split from the group of clones and leapt up high, creating an _**odama rasengan**_ in my right hand as my clones occupied the FENRIS MECHS.

The two MECHS couldn't handle all of these me's and couldn't even react once the I came crashing down into both of them, my _**Odama Rasengan **_ first, it destroyed the both of them easily.

Dust rose as the MECHS became... well dust.

I grinned good-naturedly, I hadn't needed to use those skills in a while and it felt good to go back to basics.

I looked back towards his team and laughed once he saw their shocked faces, especially Shepard's.

Finally after what seemed like a while Shepard said "what are you?"

I smiled as I looked her in the eyes and said...

"I'm just a simple ninja"

**END**

**YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAA!**

**I know it's been a while since i last updated and I have no excuse for except for the fact that I only write when I find the time and wish to write and hopefully more of those times are to come soon.**

**THIS IS IEVOLUTION2330I SIGNING OFF**

**CYA **


	4. Chapter 3: Freedom's Progress Complete!

**Naruto's Effect On Mass  
****CHAPTER 3: Freedom's Progress; COMPLETED **

"I'm speaking"- Speech  
**"Demon's speaking, justu names"  
**_"I'm thinking"- thinking  
__**"I'm a thinking demon, I'm thinking my justu, also used for hologram/radio talking"- Demon thoughts and justu's being thought of.  
**_Flashbacks will be done in normal writing.  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, hell even the clothes I wear are "borrowed".

**THIS IS A LINE... WITH PROGRESS**

Shepard just stared at me for about a minute I think, until she shook her head and walked off, presumably to where we needed to go, Cerberus sheep 1 and 2 at her heels. I just looked around quickly and sighed, Quarian corpses were littered around, obviously the two YMIR MECH's were too much for the Quarian's to handle... here's hoping Shepard's friend was still okay... for all of our sakes.

I stared at a single Quarian who seemed to have not been killed by the MECH's but by the air, if the break in the visor told me anything... such a pity. I gave a silent prayer before I followed after Shepard and co. I entered through a door into what seemed to be a security room, if all the screens on the wall told me anything.

Inside the room were Shepard, Jacob, Miranda and a Quarian? Huh... he must have hidden that's good.

I walked forward, standing next to Shepard, Miranda and Jacob on her other side.

The Quarian was typing furiously, occasionally glancing at the monitors, only to quickly tare his gaze from them back to the keyboard and carry on typing furiously.

The Quarian who by now I knew was just insane just kept typing as if we weren't even in the same bloody room as him.

I nudged Shepard with my elbow; she looked at me, annoyed. I grinned and gestured to our creepy little friend in the chair.

Shepard got the idea as she brought up her omni-tool and quickly hacked the monitors, and then she shut them off without warning.

Apparently computer monitors could hypnotise someone, because as soon as those monitors went off. Our creepy little friend sprang out of his seat and looked at us.

"Who are you... you're not them, ho... how did they not find you... where di-did you hide?"

Yep, this guy is loco to the extreme.

Shepard took this pause to speak to the scared Quarian "We actually just got here, we don't have a clue what has happened here, and please... if there's anything you can tell us, please do so".

"Of course you just got here... be stupid of me to think..." the strange Quarian mumbled out before he turned towards the keyboard once again and typed a few keys. Before long the monitors all sprang back to life to show a recording that the Quarian must have pieced together himself.

All the recording did was proving that the Shadow-Broker was right... just like usual. The collectors had started abducting human colonies, for what nefarious purpose? Not even the Broker knows that answer.

That kind of worried me... okay scratch that, it worried me a lot, the Broker not knowing about something wasn't normal... in fact it was downright incredibly rare for that to be.

"Is that?" I hear Miranda question in disbelief.

"What? What are they?" asked Shepard, wanting to know what Miranda knew.

"The Collectors... h-how? I thought they were just a myth" Jacob spoke in amazement and right then was the moment I was supposed to not know anything about the collectors.

"_Shit, think fast Naruto, c'mon, act... surprised" _I nod sneakily and took a step back in "surprise" everyone else looked at me and gave me a strange look. _"What? I was being "surprised" although I may have overdone it a tab bit"._

Shepard was the first to stop staring at me, as she returned her attention towards the Quarian who was fidgeting like a child who got caught with his hand in a cookie jar.

"_Although, this "cookie jar" was filled with a can of worms... yea."_

"Did you put all these recordings together?" Shepard asked the Quarian, genuinely curious. The Quarian nodded as he opened omni-tool and brought up a couple of files for show "I managed to gather some information about what they were doing here, nothing pointing towards what their overall goal is, but some useful information still".

Shepard nodded as she held her arm out to receive the information, however Miranda interfered. "Shepard, we should take this Quarian back to the station and see if there is any information that he might've forgot to put into his Omni-tool" Jacob nodded in agreement. I looked towards Shepard and noticed that her face had twisted slightly in disgust.

However, before Shepard could lay the smack-down on those two, another Quarian walked into the room, the Quarian that Shepard was aquatinted with if I recall correctly. She stormed right up to us and insisted that the other Quarian needed medical attention and that we couldn't take him.

However it seemed like Miranda still disagreed "we will return him to the Fleet after we have asked him a few questions; there is no need to worry." The female Quarian wasn't having any of that though, she turned to Shepard and said "please Shepard, don't take him, take his Omni-tool date, but don't take him. He won't survive if you take him".

"_I like how no-one has let Shepard speak yet, considering she's in charge here"._

Shepard looked towards me to see if I had anything to "say" at the moment, I shook my head in a negative manner, I may have liked to think of myself of being able to do no wrong. However that was a long, long time ago. Shepard nodded, turning to her other members of the team "we won't be taking the Quarian, only his data." Miranda looked to start an argument, however Shepard shut her up with "I am in charge here Miss. Lawson, if you don't like that then get back to the ship and sit there like a good girl" Miranda grumbled but backed down still. The female Quarian let out a sigh and thanked Shepard earnestly.

"No problem Tali, I may be working with Cerberus, it doesn't mean I've become evil or something silly like that" Tali nodded and asked the other Quarian to start the transfer, once he finished Tali helped him outside, presumably back to her ship. As Shepard shifted through the information given' to her, I sigh and turn to Shepard and co.

"Well then... mission accomplished?" I asked hopefully, starting to feel hungry. Thankfully I am rewarded because Shepard nods and we all make our way back towards the shuttle.

**SCENE CHANGE**

We just stepped out of the shuttle, to get onto the space station. As soon as my feet hit the floor, I was of towards the cafeteria to find some grub, hopefully Ramen. Shepard was heading to TIM to talk about the data gathered from the slightly disturbed Quarian.

After getting lost a couple of times, I finally managed to find the cafeteria; it looked like any cafeteria that you would find on a space station, nothing but white and shit food being served. I grumbled in my seat I picked at one of the benches and picked at sludge on my plate that looked like food, key word being "LOOKED". It didn't even smell edible. _"What the hell even is this?" _they didn't have a menu so I wasn't sure. I slumped lower into my seat as my stomach rumbled.

"_Shut up you, I am not going to eat this "food" I may have lived for over 3000 years but I'm sure that would end if I ate that"._

I feel someone sit across from me and to the side of me. "Not so hungry?" A feminine voice which I recognised said. I looked up and saw Shepard, still clad in her N7 armour smirking at me. I smirk right back at her and make a comment "I thought I came to the cafeteria, however now that I see what there serving... I'm having doubts about that". Shepard chuckled and so did a voice I didn't recognise. I gaze to my right and see a man wearing a cap and I instantly know who it was.

"_That must be Jeff "Joker" Monroe, the pilot from Shepard's original crew, from what the Broker gathered about him, he's a magnificent pilot, however he suffers from Vrolik Syndrome, that disease which causes your bones to be extremely brittle... poor guy". _

"May I be honoured as to know your name?" I ask, keeping up appearances in-front of Cerberus.

Joker laughs "Oh I like this guy already" he then extends his right arm and I shake it...very, very gently "The names Jeff Monroe, but everyone calls me Joker".

"So you're good at Skyllian-five then?" I ask in jest, referring to his nick-name and how the Joker is a high pointer card in said poker game. It takes Joker a second to realise my joke and he laughs once again. He turns to Shepard and practically begs "can we keep him? Please!" I chuckle as Shepard rolls her eyes. "He's already accepted my invitation to join the crew".

"Cool" Joker replies and turns back to me, a happy grin on his face "just wait until you see our ship". I raised my eyebrows slightly and look towards Shepard "TIM give us a ship? Is it any good?" I ask, my curiosity rising. Shepard nods a smile upon her face.

Joker snorts "any good he asks, oh that's funny. What they gave us is a remake of probably the best ship in the whole universe".

"_So the Normandy's back eh!" _that is the only ship that I could think of that Joker would commend like that, if what the Broker told me was true (which it always is) then Joker was very picky about the ships he flies.

To keep up appearances I looked towards Joker, a dubious look sketched upon my face "the best ship in the universe eh?" Joker nods happily. My dubious look turns into an excited grin "whose up for a joyride, raise your hand" me and Joker both raise our hands, almost instantly whilst Shepard sighs, placing her palm to her forehead in exasperation.

"I'm supposed to save human colonies from the collectors with you two? Oh lord, for whatever sin I have committed, I am dreadfully sorry" as Shepard said this I pretended to be hurt, placing my hand upon my chest and gave Shepard a shocked look. We all chuckle until I go sombre; giving the red-headed commander a serious look "so that's our mission... save the human race" Shepard nods seriously, a bang of her red-hair flowing in-front of her left eye, Shepard growls slightly before tucking it behind her ear.

I chuckle at that _"it was rather cute... for a saviour of the universe"_.

**SCENE CHANGE**

"Whoooooa!" I moan as me, Shepard and Joker walk into the _Normandy V.2. _It was... epic.

"_I mean, I knew that the Normandy was good looking, but this just takes the Krogan war cake"._ I chuckle because the Krogans do have a war cake, they have one before and after every battle/war... it's actually a delicacy if you believe it or not.

"It's great ain't it, the only advance stealth ship in existence, this beauty can make it past fleet blockades without a problem, well... as long as they don't look out the window" Joker boasted. That last part gained my intrigue though; I look at him and ask "what do you mean, if they don't look out a window?"

Joker sheepishly rubs the back of his head "Well ya see... the _Normandy _doesn't go invisible to sight, it's only invisible towards any form of tracking device". I nod; it made sense in a way. From what the shadow broker has told me, no-one has invented cloak technology for ships yet.

Shepard steps up and looks around the ship, almost lovingly, and for the first time, I realise that Shepard was hot... Smoking hot even, red, shoulder-length hair, a few freckles on her otherwise beautiful face. At least a head shorter than me and a nice firm body. _"Well.. I think its firm, can't really tell through that armour... quite pale, surprisingly, you'd think she'd be tanned or something, that's probably because she was dead, up till a day ago, you can ever see a few lasting scars from the surgery that brought her back... Am- am I checking OUT Commander Shepard?"_ I shrug my shoulders. _"Meh, what can you do"._ As I and Joker just let her reminisce, well Joker was letting her do that, I was checking her out. Soon after she looks at me and asks "you don't have anything against AI's?"

"I am not particularly bothered by them no, why do you as-" I was cut off as a blue orb sort of "appeared" from a pedestal of some sort and started to speak "hello Mr. Namikaze, I am the ships AI; EDI, it is a pleasure to meet you".

I stare for a second before mentally slapping myself, I bow "please call me Naruto, and the pleasure... is all yours" Joker chuckled at that.

I rise up and ask "So... where we off to first?"

"Well, we need a proper crew, I mean we have you, Miranda and Jacob, but that isn't enough, so The Illusive Man has given me some dossiers for some potential recruits". Shepard explains to me.

I grin "sweet, who we picking up first?"

Shepard raises her fore-finger and wags it cheekily "ah, ah, ah! You'll have to wait, it's a surprise".

"Awww, c'mon, at least give me a hint". I beg

Shepard giggles and places her hands on her hips "fine then, a hint... we're going to Omega".

I sigh.

"Oh joy"

**CHAPTER END**

_There we have it, chapter 3? Or is it 4? Damn-it maybe I shouldn't have done a prologue. Meh. I really hope you enjoyed reading it and continue to look forward to any updates.  
A/N: Shepard looks like the default female Shepard from Mass Effect 2, only slightly paler and with the descriptions I already gave her._

_Hey, while you're at it, if you like Persona, specifically Persona 4, and like the idea of Yu/SoujiXNaoto, then check out my story Persona 4: I'm Golden and my one-shot; Persona 4: I accept you! Thank-you in advance if you do._

_This is IEVOLUTION2330I signing off  
CYA!_


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